9.5/10 – Grilled Seal of Approval
I left Pink Flamingos sitting unwatched on my computer for at least six months before I finally let it roll. I had heard a few rumors, a few tremors of delight, a few murmurs of disgust, but really I knew nothing about the film. All I knew was it would take a very special occasion to watch it. I needed to be in exactly the right mood. So I waited. And waited. And waited. And waited some more. I’ve seen many (too many) movies over the past six months, but Pink Flamingosremained sitting, waiting, and untouched.
Then, it happened. Maybe there was a strange breeze that blew down from the North, or maybe I was just feeling a little mentally ill, but whatever it was, the feeling smacked me in the face like a bushel of rotten oranges.
“It is time.” I murmured to myself as I smoothed the creases in my favorite tux and tightened the knot in my tie. (My normal movie watching attire for films released in 1972.) My palms were a little sweaty, and my hands, sure, they may have shook slightly, but my voice sounded strong and true as I loaded the film and bellowed those holiest of words, “BEGIN! I COMMAND YOU!”
The video crackled to life and I maneuvered my derriere into a comfortable position.
What follows is an approximate play by play of my experience:
The first five minutes – “Oh my god. This is so terrible. Uhhhhhhhh, I think I’m gonna turn it off.”
Ten minutes in – “Wow. This is pretty funny.”
Fifteen – “Oh my god, this is so fucked up”
Twenty – “AHHHHHHH”
Thirty – “AHHHHHHHHHHH”
Forty – “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
By the end of the movie – “AHHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS AMAZING AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
Basically, there is no proper way to describe this film. I have seen a lot terrible things in my short stay on this planet. I’ve even participated in a few (har, har, har). But nothing, NOTHING will prepare you for Pink Flamingos . It receives its extremely high rating of 9.5 because it is wholly original, completely insane, and ONE OF THE FUNNIEST MOVIES I HAVE EVER SEEN.
This is the kind of movie that can make or break friendships. If you and your buddy both like the movie – Great! You have just gotten a little closer! But, if you happen to form a difference of opinion…
“Oh my god, how can you watch this?!?! It’s so gross!”
“What do you mean? It’s so FUNNY!”
“Uhhhhhh!!! DISGUSTING! TURN IT OFF!”
“Turn it OFF!”
“Shut up! Just watch it! It’s funny!”
“AHHHH! I’ll KILL YOUUUUUUU!!!!”
“NOOO WHY GOD WHY”
Well, perhaps that’s a bit of an exaggeration. Perhaps your friend won’t be driven to murder you if you disagree on the content. BUT IF THERE WAS EVER A MOVIE THAT WOULD INSPIRE MURDER THIS WOULD BE IT.