8/10

Michael Fassbender and Micahel Fassbender’s Penis star in Steve McQueen’s grim tale of a man haunted by sexual addiction. Michael Fassbender’s Penis finds its way into all sorts of places – mostly vaginas – and leads Michael Fassbender like a Michael Fassbender penis leading a Michael Fassbender.

Michael Fassbender’s Penis doesn’t ever express SHAME for its actions. Michel Fassbender’s Penis doesn’t feel guilt or unhappiness or even sadness, longing, confusion, or any number of other humanistic emotions. Michael Fassbender’s Penis delegates those emotional responsibilities to Michael Fassbender.

What is next for Michael Fassbender’s Penis? Will it detach itself and go on a cross country trip of self-discovery? Will it reconnect with its long lost first love in a desperate attempt to find out where their relationship went wrong? Will it join with another male sexual organ to make a charming serial about two mismatched penises who are lumped together by their overbearing police chief and tasked with bringing down the largest distributor of fake prosthetic penises on the Eastern seaboard?

“Hey, what’s up dickhead. I just want you to know that I’m in charge here, alright? I’m not gonna let you fuck my operation up. I’ve been on this case for TOO LONG. You can just sit back and watch me work.”

“Chief says we gots to work together. I mean I -”

“YOU-SHUT-YOUR-GOD-DAMN-URINARY-MEATUS-RIGHT-NOW”

“GOD DAMN YOU!!!!!”

Boy o boy! I wonder if those two will be able to work their differences out and close the case! Tune in this fall to find out!