Weird

It’s Time To Restore Your Faith in the Cinema Gods – Watch ‘Hausu’

Nine out of ten critics agree, including a flying ass-biting head is necessary for a great movie.

Cinematic burnout. No one is safe from it. There you are with your feet up on your desk, comfy chair underneath your butt, a bowl of thinly sliced apples, and a laptop chock full of delightful movies to watch – but you just can’t seem to find one that interests you in that moment. Cinematic burnout. It can happen to the best of us and it is most definitely a “First World Problem.”

‘Almost Famous’ Is Great And Western Themed Holidays Are Stupid

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B&W Swag

Ah, Almost Famous. There will always be a special place in my heart for you, a place somewhere right next to my first OMG-BEST-BAND-EVR (Sublime), Hunter S. Thompson novels, and Ganguro porn (I regret nothing!).

Yes, as a budding writer/journalist before I knew I was a budding writer/journalist I loved watching Almost Famousand imagining my own awkward, gangly 15-year-old self traveling across the States, interviewing rockstars, and engaging in the kinds of wonderful debauchery that would bless me with lovely stories and a mild case of gonorrhea.

When I Tried To Learn About Evolution

Ah, the wonders of the internet. You start out with some very basic questions about human evolution and wind up looking at strange cartoon pictures of sexuality. Delightful.

Now, I assure you, I did not begin my journey through the bowels of Wikipedia with the express intention of seeing cartoon men (and some women) ejaculate onto each other in a variety of interesting ways. But once I found my way down that fascinating hallway of animated splooge, I simply couldn’t resist clicking on every new and wonderful term I came across.

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OkCupid Experiment: Part 3

So, I have begun looking at some of the messages that were sent to my bizarre sexual deviant fake OkCupid profile.
They are glorious.
If only Jesse was real, she could make a great many strange men very, very happy.

These shall be presented in their unedited form, of course.
Names concealed to protect the “innocent.”

“I am blinded that I couldn’t see myself with anyone else, I saw your profile and I thought wow I am attracted at first sight”
— Ooo profound. I wonder if this kind of copy/paste statement actually works on girls?

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OkCupid Experiment: Part 2

Alright folks. I know you’ve been eagerly refreshing GrilledLife in hopes of seeing the next installment of my OkCupid experiment.

I have decided not to throw the complete profile up here. Just for the sake of time and effort I will pick out a selection of the best “bits” and use them. But, of course, if I receive a deluge of requests I will upload everything.

And after about 48 hours my message received count has slowed to a paltry, paltry 64.

So, without further ado, I present the most twisted perverse deviant living in Brooklyn, Jesse:

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OkCupid Experiment: Part 1

Holy Jesus Moses Abraham Mother of Mohammad Ganesha and The Seven Dwarves.

This shit just got real.

Alright. As a matter of full disclosure, I am about to blow your fucking mind here. (Well, maybe not if you’ve been following my blog/reviews/mental vomitings for a while now.)

‘Cause dis shit just got REAL.

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Limitless (2011)

7/10

Yes, I know I know I know. Normally I would not be caught dead watching a fucking movie like Limitless. I reserve my “bad movies” to things that have Arnie or Sly or are reaaallly stupid, but I was researching films for my drug article. So, I needed to watch Limitless. And actually it’s not all that bad.

I am surprised. It entertained me. It surpassed expectations. It really was a breath of fresh air. It truly allowed me to experience a different experience. Sometimes, I’ll cry when I look back and realize I won’t be able to see this film for the first time again. One day I’ll kill myself and my last thought will be of Limitless. Before I go I’ll hack into the mainframe and send a copy of Limitless to the owner of every computer in the world. Because it has to be done. Earth must see Limitless.

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Fast Times At Dominick’s High (School)

As a ghost, I spent most of my time haunting the hallways and flitting between cliques with enough frequency that none would ever be able to accurately recall if I was there or not, so I was ecstatic to reach my fourth year of high school – senior year – when I would only be required to attend a half days worth of classes before I would be allowed to run, jump, and skip down the hallway and out the door to the parking lot and to my car and into it and out and away from that fucking waste of a place that occupied less of my mind while I attended than it does now.

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Dallas Buyers Club (2013)

9.5/10 – Grilled Seal of Approval

The culmination of the McConaissance and the reason he will soon be walking home with a shiny new golden man for his mantel. Well, it’s probably unlikely that he will be walking home, I have to imagine he owns a car or has the money to purchase a ride in a taxi or has the willingness to slum it in a bus or has the number of a man who will pick him up and carry him wherever he wants to go.

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12 Years a Slave (2013)

9/10 – Grilled Seal of Approval

So, I realized what is wrong with America today. I know, I know, that sounds like a terribly arrogant foolish stupid thing to say, and I don’t disagree with you about that.

But I stand by what I said anyway! Today I was reminded of the terrible, terrible people who inhabit this grand land of sweeping plains, vast meadows, cavernous caverns, mountainous mountains, and valley-ous valleys. Ohhhh sayy can youuu seeeeeeee byy theeee dawwwwwnnssss earrrrrlyyyyyyyy liggghhhhhhhhhhhhht.

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