Philomena (2013)

9/10 – Grilled Seal of Approval

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So! Three days down at my new internship and we’ve reached the weekend. (Remember I’m writing these from the future – *Twilight Zone Music* Do Do Do Do Dooo.)

I have a 1.5 hour bus ride in the morning and a 1.5 hour bus ride in the evening, and in both of those times I get the lovely chance to witness my fellow New York Bound/ New Jersey Returning worker bees trying to get a few moments of rest or skipping ahead on their workload or catching up on their workload or looking at porn on their computers or something else entirely.

The fellow I sat behind today was one of those classic, “I am 50 and I have Facebook and I’m looking at it to waste time except I have nothing to do on it.” The man must have really loved the five Facebook pages he went between – constantly refreshing and scrolling up and down looking for new updates that will never come – because he enjoyed staring at them for the entire hour and a half bus ride.

Sometimes he would scroll up and down and maybe even highlight a couple things on the page and then unclick and then highlight again, sort of what I expect he does at his job when his boss is nearby when he wants to make it seem like he is actually doing work. But here he doesn’t need to pretend (unless maybe he thinks I’m watching him… in which case he would be right). No, here he is going over the same pages over and over and over again simply because he has no where else to go on the internet.

And how depressing is that? It’s like, and to quote Louis C.K., when a child says they are bored.

“‘I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless, it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you’re alive is amazing, so you don’t get to say ‘I’m bored’.”

Mr. 50 Year Old Man, how can you spend 1.5 hours scrolling up and down the same Facebook pages? How dare you be bored! The Internet is a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none of. Do you realize there is literally EVERYTHING on the Internet? EVERYTHING. You can learn about fucking donkeys! You can see videos of people giving each other papercuts! You can even watch a man staple his own ballsack to his forehead! All of this and more is out there and waiting for you to discover it, so you don’t get to scroll the same pages in Facebook over and over again! No!

Philomena will not win the Oscar for Best Picture, and does not deserve to win. BUT it is a very good film and is definitely worth a visit. Mr. 50 Year Old Man – you could have watched Philomena in the time you spent scrolling up and down your Facebook profile and highlighting the profile pictures of the mutual friends you have with your ex-wife.

No more excuses!

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