Reviews

Straw Dogs (1971)

8/10

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I saw the 2011 remake of Straw Dogs in the theater. I was in the middle of a random city in the middle of nothing and nowhere Pennsylvania for a two night work-sponsored educational trip. It was a slow night and everyone else wanted to sleep, so I headed out into the shit and found my way to a movie theater. I had never heard of Straw Dogs at that point – which was unusual since I’m often informed about every single thing that will be arriving in theaters. But I paid it no mind because it was the only movie starting soon and it was the one I would be watching. The 2011 remake of Straw Dogs  will forever live on in my mind  –

AS ONE OF THE WORST MOVIES OF ALL TIME

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Frances Ha (2012)

9.5/10 – Grilled Seal of Approval

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Truly the kind of film you want to live inside, with the people you want to know, and doing things you want to do. Greta Gerwig is excellent excellent excellent. The whole cast is excellent. Adam Driver is becoming reliably excellent. Noah Baumbach is becoming one of my favorite directors. Ooooooooh. And also, on this day (which is actually the 14th not the 6th as I am still trying to catch up), on this day – my FIRST OFFICIAL PAYING ARTICLE WAS PUBLISHED. So, fuck yeah! Dreams of Brooklyn nights and skyscapers and hobos huddling together in the cold and stepping carefully through half thawed pools of sludgy sludge ice and snow and salt and grime mixture and the wind whipping down through the long corridors of my buildings, up my coat, through my hair and back into the sky like a hawk flitting through the air after a kill. Brooklynnnnn. Concrete jungle where dreams are made of, Brooooooooooooklyn stand up! When I move you move (just like that?), when I move you move (just like that?), when I move you move (just like that?) hell yeah mutha fucka now bring that ass back!

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The (North) Koreans are Coming! The (North) Koreans are Coming!
Protectors of America

Protectors of America

There’s a healthy amount of “suspension of disbelief” that is needed to enjoy some films. You shelter your mind from the illogical scenarios and allow yourself to drift into a fantastical world. Then there are films like last year’s Red Dawn, a remake to the 1984 Swayze vehicle about a Russian invasion of America, that would require a “suspension of disbelief” bordering on decapitation in order to envelope yourself within the confines of the film world. Somehow I never got around to adding the 80’s Red Dawn to my “must watch” list, but I like to think it had more to do with bad luck than it did because the movie is terrible. Nonetheless, Red Dawn has joined the ranks of mediocre/cult movies that have been remade into terrible, terrible, terrible films. Perfectly enjoyable 80’s fare such as Fame, Conan the Barbarian, Footloose, and Evil Dead have all recently been remade into the same generic sludge that premieres in theaters every weekend, and 2012’s Red Dawn is no exception to that established trend.

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