Alright folks. I know you’ve been eagerly refreshing GrilledLife in hopes of seeing the next installment of my OkCupid experiment.
I have decided not to throw the complete profile up here. Just for the sake of time and effort I will pick out a selection of the best “bits” and use them. But, of course, if I receive a deluge of requests I will upload everything.
And after about 48 hours my message received count has slowed to a paltry, paltry 64.
So, without further ado, I present the most twisted perverse deviant living in Brooklyn, Jesse:
Currently living in hipster town Brooklyn and getting tired of being penetrated in every orifice every weekend. GOD DAMN IT.
I am a WOMAN. Not a robot who only can function from a continuous stream of ejaculate into my face. Gettin’ real, real tired of your bullshit FRANK.
What I’m doing with my life
I’m a writer. I put words together in a particular order and people pay me for it. Or they don’t pay me for it because they’re piece of shit scumbags – FRANK – or because it’s a non-paying job or because I am too high to remember to send them an email that I was supposed to be paid 4 months ago.
There’s a certain part of me that wonders what will happen when I run out of weed, but I also expect to kill myself before that day ever happens so no worries right?
The first things people usually notice about me
The ever-present blood flowing out of my vagina.
TALKIN BOUT WATERFALLS
R.I.P LEFT EYE
The six things I could never do without
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The best ways to gut that muther fucker ahead of me in the line who can’t decide between a caramel machy dachy ding dong and a fabreeze mint tea latte cappachino willy wally.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I bought ten copies of Lou Bega’s 2010 CLASSIC album “Free Again” off ebay for my friends and family last Christmas.
And if you haven’t heard of Lou Bega then you can just fuck off right now cause I doubt we’ll have anything in common.
Actually, now that I’m looking back at this it seems pretty tame considering some of the other things I have come up with… And really, here is the million-dollar-question… If I saw this particular girl with this particular profile, would I send her a message?
I would, God damn it, yes I would. Because I (like apparently the 64 other men who sent messages) would look past the insanity on display and see only a humorous, attractive girl who is trying to push away the worst suitors.
“Oh wow! She’s so unique and weird and cool! OMG! I’m unique and weird too! We’re perfect! Yayyy!”